Divorce - Look before You Leap
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Thinking of divorce but not sure you should go through with it? That question of staying together or cashing in is something that weighs heavily on many people's minds and the answer is not always an easy one. Just remember, before you take the leap, you should make sure divorce is the ultimate decision, one that can be made without regrets. Unfortunately, we see couples all the time who make hasty decisions, which come back to haunt them later.
In some situations, divorce is the only viable option but sometimes, the marriage can be saved. Therefore, it is crucial that you make 100% sure that the decision you are making is the right one, either way. We suggest that you slow down, and before making a major decision, look at your concept of marriage. This means putting the fairytale marriage assumptions to the side and looking at things in a different light. You see, most people run into two problems when it comes to marriage and divorce. First, they believe marriage is always wonderful and second, they believe the grass is greener on the other side.
Although there are occasions when divorce appears to be the only solution, we see so many people ready just to leave the marriage believing they will move on to someone else and things will be better. Sometimes, things are better but most often, a new relationship, or marriage will come with a new set of challenges. While the problems may not be the same, there will be obstacles. Therefore, you have to ask yourself if it is better to stay in the marriage and work through the challenges or fall in love someday with someone else, only to wake up, finding yourself in the same situation.
Other things you need to consider before you file for divorce include the children, finances, lifestyle change, and career, living accommodations, and living as a single adult again. Obviously, if you have children, you want to do everything you possibly can to salvage the marriage. Even if this means going through professional counseling while living apart, then do it. You also need to remember that living alone means more financial responsibility, concerns over sexually transmitted diseases found in the single world, and so on.
Before you make the final decision to divorce, you want to consider marriage counseling. Many times, having an unbiased party working with you and providing you with appropriate tools will help you get through the tough times. You also want to make sure you and your spouse communicate. If you can talk without a mediator, fine but if not, you need to open the communication line so both parties understand fully the problems and potential solutions for fixing them.
You then need to take stock of your life and the way in which you work with your spouse. In other words, have you both reached a point of complaining without giving your spouse the benefit of talking? When the two of you have an argument, are you being productive in identifying the issue and then working out an acceptable solution or are you just fighting for the sake of fighting? In addition, after making up after a fight are you still holding a grudge or are you really accepting each other's apologies. Finally, are the two of you working in the marriage as a team or have you somehow become opponents, in competition with one another?
One of the most important questions is - are you BOTH willing to work on the marital problems to make the marriage work. If just one of you wants to keep things together, then the marriage does not have a chance. Fixing a broken marriage requires both parties to give 100% toward resolution. This means doing anything it takes, putting in long hours, working with a professional counselor, being willing to forgive, and learning to start over again as friends and lovers.
Although you might feel gun-ho on getting the divorce proceedings started, if you feel that nagging sensation that perhaps this is not what you should do, pay attention to it. In other words, listen to your heart and follow your instincts. Yes, putting a bad marriage together will require time and work, lots of work, but the gratification can be huge. You could end up falling in love all over again; spending the rest of your life with someone, you really cannot live without.
The best thing you can do is make sure. Therefore, instead of jumping ahead with the plans to divorce, we recommend you do some serious soul searching. You may discover that divorce is not what you want after all. Just remember, if you are feeling pressure from family and friends to divorce, you are going to have to take a firm stance, standing up for what you know to be right for you.